Finding Happy Moments in Hard Times

Let's be honest, because honesty is best.

I didn't really quit my job. *Gasps* It's a lot of  stuff that would take too much to explain so I will summarize...
*clears throat*

When my adoption fell through this year I was really struggling. I got more depressed than I have ever been before. It was hard. With the emotional toll of it and the responsibility of running a cafe was really hard for me to balance. So, after talking to my husband, having some intense prayers, and trying to decide what was best for me I decided I wanted to step down from being a GM. I wanted to step down like into another position but still work at Panera. Not quit. When I told my boss things got crazy. It was a week filled with tears, emails and a lot of confusing conversations. It ended with me and a BIG WIG in a conference room with a severance check and being sent on my way. It was all twisted and really overwhelmingly frustrating. However, it happened.

Side Note:
I honestly believe, with everything I have, that everything happens for a reason. I KNOW that being forced to quit was a path that my Father in Heaven has chosen for me and I trust that it's going to lead me on a better path. If you don't believe that, that's cool, it's however what I believe and seen as truth in my life.

Since all this craziness happened it's been rough. I lost some good friends that I really miss. (This is my saddest loss) It's been hard to make ends meet. Also, I'm having a hard time finding purpose.

For some reason this week has been the hardest. Today especially. I just felt at an all time low. Like I'm at my breaking point.

I'm taking you away from all this for a minute. Just go with it.
As you all know I am doing PiYo as a workout. The trainer is awesome. Some people find her annoying because she's super peppy but I really like her and find her inspiring. Sometimes she looks straight at the camera and says "I know you can get lower. Let's Go!" And I realize that she can "actually see me" and I do need to go lower. Also, she often tells me to "Be grateful" or "Smile, you are awesome." You  know what, I am awesome. She's right.
There is one workout that we do where we are working on the legs. Let me just tell you that in PiYo you never just work on one part of your body. When I say we are working on the legs I mean that is the part that is burning the most. Usually it's accompanied with the shoulders, abs, arms, just the whole body in general. She is killer. In a good way. What was I saying? Oh yes. So we are working on the legs. As we are going and going my legs start to hurt so bad I think I might die. Yes die. It's just burning and burning and right at what I think is my breaking point she gives me a break. She even says, "Don't worry I let you rest right when you can't take it anymore." Just like always, she is right.

Now back to my depressing and pathetic story.
Like I was saying I feel like I am at my breaking point. I'm at the edge of who knows what and I'm trying to find stability through it all. It's weird. Mega weird. However, just like when I am doing PiYo and I have my trainer looking at me and telling me that I can go lower and that I need to be grateful and that I'm awesome, I have a Heavenly Father telling me the same thing. In this time of adversity I need to just go lower. It's part of getting stronger. Also, I need to be grateful that I have this opportunity to grow stronger. And I am awesome. All the crap I have been through this year has been rough. Even though it seems unbearable I haven't killed anyone and even though I have been down I have always come out on top. That is awesome. I am awesome. Everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you're part of a team. Everything is awesome when you're living out dreams. Name that movie. Also, haha, it's stuck in your head now. Sorry, got sidetracked.
Also, just like my trainer in PiYo gives me my rest right when I feel like my leg is going to turn to Jell-O and I will actually die, I know I will receive my resting point in life right before I reach my breaking point. That means my rest is just around the corner.

So, now, let's talk about finding the happiness in all of this. Part of being healthy is recognizing and coming to realization of the emotions you are going through. Even though you feel and know those emotions are real and VALID you still have to find happiness in each day and every hard moment. So, today, through the tears and frustration I fought hard to find my happiness. I did find it and I want to show it's possible. And rewarding. It really is rewarding.

The happiness of all this is that I know that leaving my job brought me to Beachbody. Beachbody makes me happy. I love it because of the affect it has on me and my health and because my job is to motivate people to live a healthier lifestyle. My job is something that I am so passionate about. In fact, I can't even wait to do work each day because I feel so happy about it. Sometimes Beachbody is the only happy moment in my day.
 Also, it's leading me to being able to stay at home. One thing I thought about a lot when we were getting ready for our adoption is that I was working like 12 hour days. When was I supposed to spend time with my new baby? All I've ever wanted to do is stay at home with my kids. Now, when I do have kids I will be able to stay at home. How amazing is that?
Honestly, I never would have found it if I wouldn't of been struggling at work.    ---------Reason for me stepping down going crazy and leaving me without a job...temporarily. See?!? Reason.

There is happiness in each moment, no matter how hard it may seem. I promise. Just look for it. Recognize your feelings of struggles and sadness and validate them. It's ok to be sitting on the couch in your PJs with a gallon of ice cream and crying unbearably because life is hard. However, after doing a few minutes of that you need to find the happiness so you can stay healthy you gotta..

Because there is NO better time than NOW.